Wednesday, February 11, 2009


Dear Gram,

This has been a very strange grieving process for me. One minute, I'm fine, the next minute, I'm a weepy mess. The part that really makes me teary is remembering how much you meant to me when I was a young girl and teenager. Those were cruicial years for me and losing you then would have shattered my world. You were healthy and vibrant back then. I guess knowing that you haven't been yourself for the past several years health wise brings me comfort to know that you are now in a happy place and are finally at peace.

When my parents divorced, things became complicated and difficult for me. My mom and I had always been so close and I was resentful to anyone "new" that came into her life. When she and Paul married, I was not very overjoyed at the prospect.

The best thing that came out of that marriage (besides finally being able to have siblings) was gaining you for a grandmother. You became one of the most valuable people in my life.

I'll never forget the day we first met. You gave me a huge box filled with all sorts of goodies!...a beautiful porcelain nightlight...stickers...spaghettio's...a big bottle of Hershey's syrup...books etc. I was so thrilled! I was your first grandchild and we bonded instantly.

We were truly soul mates! I adored visiting you every summer in Seminole, Florida. Oh! the fun I had on those vacations...We went to Busch Gardens, Disney World, Sunkin Gardens, Sea World, beach trips,dinners, lunches, shopping! You had the agenda all planned out before I got there and even kept track of our excursions by writing them in a daily notebook as a keepsake for me. Every day spent with you was a gift! The two weeks I spent with you every summer was sheer bliss! You made me feel like a princess! I loved staying in "my room" with my own seems silly, I know, but that was such a treat to have my own little "quarters".

I was always so proud of the way you looked whenever we would go out...You always coordinated your outfits with your jewelry and handbags...I loved that you were so polished. You were neat as a pin and incredibly organized! (All things I admire)

I loved our special talks...You sitting in your wingback chair and me crouched over the edge of the "davenport" (as you always called it). You gave me the support that I needed during those trying times of growing up. It was wonderful to have you for a confidant. It always amazed me that you were actually Paul's mother! (Paul was the very person from whom I felt all my problems stemmed from at the time).

We were inseparable during those visits in the summer...I can't tell you how much I grieved when it was time to go back home. It felt like the clock had just struck 12 and all the magic had ended.

I loved that our relationship continued through the years...your cards and notes were always a constant--I will miss your handwriting... your thoughtfulness during every holiday...

I will think of you every time I see the color green (my favorite color as well). You loved St. Patrick's Day being the Irish girl you were...I love that your middle name was Clover and that your maiden name was Culinan...I used to pretend that my last name was Culinan (even though your Grandma Culinan was a brute). I always enjoyed listening to stories about you as a young girl...

I wish I could have been there to hold your hand as you slipped from this life...I didn't come to see you when I was home for Joanna's wedding because I was afraid of you not recognizing me. I didn't want to remember you that way, and yet, I can't help but regret that I didn't get to see you just one last time.

Thank you for being my living angel...I loved you so dearly...I hope you are now at peace...You will forever be in my heart...