I got Jake and Reilly off on the bus, took Ellie to pre-school, and then took our van over to the Trans Shop (not a place for transvestites) but rather, transmitions...
While I was waiting for the transmition fluid to be changed, I walked up to the library in the frigid temps...burrr!
I love going to the library! I always have. My mom used to take me when I was a little girl to the Bryan/College Station (TX) library every Saturday. I always loved the musty smell of the old books and damp corridors. My favorite books to read back then were the Blaze series by C.W. Anderson. I poured over those Billy and Blaze (horse) adventures. My mom and I used to check out art as well. I don't recall ever being in a library since where you could take paintings home. Money was tight then, so this was a nice way to add some interests to our walls and learn a little something new about each artist and their techniques.
On the way out, I always got to ring the huge bell that was in the front courtyard.
I hope that the trips that my kids take to the library with me will invoke similar happy memories.
I don't remember librarians ever being as cranky as the one's here in Doylestown are...They're strict, man! One over due book and you're going to be slapping down 20 cents for that bad boy per day! We usually check out 15-20 books at a time, so there have been times where I've felt that there might be a warrant out for my arrest when we've been a few days late.
They're attitudes are grumpy, too. I'm not sure what a librarian, of all people, has to be grumpy about! I mean seriously...1.-- you're around books all day 2.-- it's quiet in there! 3.--you have very little contact with people and very little money exchanging. It's perplexing to me.
The day continued on with Kindergarten pickup, pre-school pickup, lunch, Ellie's physical therapy appointment, getting her glasses adjusted, and a stop off at Target for a "fix"--
I've been in a gloomy mood all day...the library trip without kids didn't even help! Not even Target could get me out of this funk I'm in. I've been feeling so great since the holidays and the beginning of the year and now, I'm down in the dumps. Is it because I'm officially back to the routine of therapy appointments for Ellie 3 times a week? (which I dread and so does she)--
It didn't help that after I got home, I got everyone situated and got on the computer to check my e-mails, etc. (and by etc. I mean obsess over what to post on my blog today)
The kids were rammy and bugging me for snacks (which drives me nuts) They eat constantly! No wonder I can't lose weight! I've always got to be thinking about what's for breakfast/snack/lunch/snack/dinner/dessert/snack! ARRRRRRRR!
I went in to yell at one of them for fighting with the other and looked around at the giant mess that had been created...
....shreds of paper left on the table and floor...
...the living room where paper, pens (which aren't allowed in there to begin with), disheveled pillows, blankets were just laying around (this is only a portion of the mess in this room)...
...the upstairs bathroom with an unflushed toilet, and dirty clothes just dumped on the floor...
I felt so incredibly discouraged. I tried to explain to Brian once how difficult motherhood actually is. Sure, there's downtime--but more often than that is the "spinning my wheels" time.
It would be like him working hard all day on a project on the computer and at the end of the day, someone hitting the delete button and all was lost. That's seriously how I feel a good majority of the time. I feel like I'm sweeping a dirt floor...it never ends!
After the kids go to bed (which is 7:00pm for my girls, thank you very much), I spend the rest of my evening picking up after everyone. I have them do the "token" clean up before bed, but things that they can't do, I'm stuck with.
I was particularly frustrated with Ellie (4 years old) tonight. I'm frustrated with her many nights, actually. And days. And afternoons. And mornings. She is totally attention defecit and it drives me crrrrrazzzzyyyy!!!! It's like pulling teeth to get her to do anything. She's very sensitive, so if anyone teases her or says something that offends her, she crys. She doesn't seem to learn from past mistakes, so I have to keep going over and over things with her which gets old. She's also very clumsy (one of the things we're working with the therapists on). I'm not sure exactly how much of it is her lack of balance, poor vision, etc. or that I passed on my uncoordianted genes to her. Because of her clumsiness, she falls like 800 times a day or bumps into something or trips--
I love her. Dearly. I really mean it! It's just that I'm human, and I'm frustrated and she's not the only child that I have to deal with. I'm just being pulled in so many different directions.
I have definately tried to take some things off of my plate for the new year. There's just not enough hours in the day to fit everything in and still feel like I've taken time to recharge my batteries. I guess that's why, EVERY night, I make sure I get a hot bath. It's my thing. Unfortunately, most days, not even a hot bath melts away my frustrations.
I am grateful to be a mother...I am grateful that I have been able to bear these children...It has been such a huge honor and privelage. I can't help but wonder sometimes if I was just talkin' away up there in heaven when they were handing out "earth life challenges"--I must not have been paying attention.
P.S. This might be hormones.
**Don't librarians have it made?
**Please tell me I'm just hormonal
